totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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