I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
