You really coming over, don't trick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
