Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my being single is dangerous.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
