I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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