Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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