I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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