frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
