Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
