thus making me awesome and them whores
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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