All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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