I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
