Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
