I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
