help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
