I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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