I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
