I am puke
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
