whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
