I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
