cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
