Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
