Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
