Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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