I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
