not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
