the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
