If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
