We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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