dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
