so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
