If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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