Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
