part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
