her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need water and some morals
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
