I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
