That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this boner is exhausting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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