my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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