I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can't special order awesome
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
