Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
