Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
