I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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