do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
