Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
