i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My life is pants optional.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
