Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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