I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
