"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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