I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
