Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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