i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
how does that bad decision feel?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
