This is not my ceiling
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
