I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
